i'm in olympia RIGHT NOW

So I deleted my facebook account in favor of this:




I haven't written in it yet, because I'm in olympia and i'm fucking holed up in Colleen's apartment using her computer like a serious fiend (hi Colleen!). I've been reading sneaker blogs 'cause Keds x playcloths are coming out with cameo keds that i wanna get. (like I need another pair of sneakers, even?!)

 I moved to Portland and am not feeling as lonely as I was before, though I am avoiding the part where I check my bank account balance and freak out because I don't have a job. I'm in Olympia right now, helping Sarah Adams and Ryan McClain fix up their apartment. It feels seriously weird to not actually live here and walk around hanging out.

Drummer, Allie and I went to the Japanther vs. Nightshade shadow puppet show at Disjecta and it looked so rad. I'd biked through the torrential rain to get there, though, so I felt super distracted and spazzed out.

Damn, it feels so good to not be able to be on facebook right now, that shit makes me feel so sad and panicky. I felt like all I was ever doing was stirring my anxiety around: imagining how much fun everyone else is having and getting weird and stressy about whether anyone cared about me in some fucked up, twisted passive way 'cause who the fuck uses facebook as their primary way of showing friendship or affection or whatever? Whatever. It was feeding my loneliness, and at least now I can write in my facebook journal, go windowshopping on the internet and watch the olympia pride parade. and I can fucking do that all by my fucking self and be fucking ecstatic.


oh shit! the hair zine 2 is gunna be a featured local zine at red and black!

ok. tomorrow i will try harder to not feel crushed out for no reason and look at someones facebook page a ton.

I spent the entire month of february in central america and damn, that ruled. i wrote some letters that i didn't send until i got home, i took some photos, mostly of one basketball game in guatemala and i bought some things and ate a lot of cookies! met some rad people and learned some spanish, was very independent and read books like a maniac. i did not put sunscreen on, quietly hoping for a little tan, and i got one.

i came home and worked speedily to set up psychic sister, the freshest vintage clothing store in olympia, wa. i started running again, except for the day after i got so drunk and smoked so may cigarettes and had difficulty dragging myself out of bed before noon. i stopped working at magic kombucha and started working at psychic sister. i worked on my graduate school application, had some social panic about it and cried a bit by myself, then bought a train ticket to portland to hand it in in person, which is what i did all day yesterday. amtrak is way nicer than greyhound, and now that i'm a boring adult, i can appreciate the pleasures of legroom and a viewing car with big windows more than the pleasures of hanging out with other weirdos on the run.

i didn't clean my room for 2 weeks and my brother's been really sick so i've spent most of my free time worrying about ollie or watching the simpsons.


here's my diary entry from my first day in guatemala. i wrote on everyday.

"Feb 2nd: I've made it! Sitting inbed right now, at Evan and Brightons house after a long day of traveling. Took a red eye last night, landed in Mexico city and the lines were so long through Customs! Thought that i would miss my flight! made it w/a few moments to spare but got confused and had to give up my facewash cause i didnt check my bag. Landed in guatemala city at 8:30am and took a taxi to the bus station, then read in the waiting room for 1 hour, got on the Alamo bus to Xela and 4 hours later, I arrived and Evan picked me up! Thank god for Patti Smith's book! What a page turner! So much better than I thought it would be!
Evan and I walked around and went to the markets...so cool! I'd left my wallet at home, looking forward to going back with it. Really excited to learn Spanish, feeling very embarrassed by not being able to understad what people are saying to me.
It definetly makes such a nice change to stay with friends at the start of a long trip-- feel so welcome and happy to be here. Had the nicest long walk around town and feeling a bit blah, but not as bad as Brighton and Evan, who both have some kind of stomach bug,
We made a blackberry crumble and it was very tart. Looking forward to waking up tomorrow, drinking some coffee, reading and exploring some more. Gunna read myself to sleep now!"


tada! BOOORRRRINNNG!

i am feeling grumpier than ever and thinking about how nice it would be to fall in love and get the fuck out of olympia. i'm stuck in a worm hole where all i do is read comic books and go running and eat candy and wish things were different. there. a little insight into some seriously boring plod-of-time-shit to pour into the internet ether.

my map!

this is the map i made for the olympia film festival. it took a lot longer than it looks.

seeing your soul in photographs

the past few nights have been full of crazy dreams, all anxiety and worry and fears leaking out and soaking into every dream-spot. last night was imagined disco balls spilling light and sound and video across rooms and walls and faces, such a change from rejection and disappointment ballooning out of control and ruining any hope for restful sleep. It's so different to wake up awake. I'm escaping New York on November 14th, back to Olympia for however long. I've got an idea of what's out there and I'm ok with it. I feel like molasses and roofing tar and toothpaste and I want to be alone and listen to the Clash and The Breeders and Brian Eno. SO THERE!

Photographer: Hannah Horovitz Date: 2009-06-18
Description: Joey Casio and Leah Cipolla from The Vibrarians.
Artist(s): - The Vibrarians - Joey Casio
http://www.krecs.com/html/artists/pictureday.php?form=display&pict=POD1245350201


i miss olympia again.

booking at trip to olympia for june 9th through june 19th. i've been feeling overwhelmed and overworked recently. i've got a job that i'll be starting on sunday, selling essential oils at brooklyn flea. Warm weather, I want you. I spend so much time by myself and I like it that way, mostly.

THEME FOR THE SUMMER: "SPRITZERS ON ICE IN NEW YORK CITY"

Marble Rye
Queen's Park Swizzle
Mint Julep
Garden Party
Limoncello Spritzer

just imagine everything with club soda and ice and a pair of old shorts and that's what i want. camping on the weekends, late night bike rides, i love it.

i am totally amending my plans. instead of making plans, i'm going to flake on them all and just hang out and go to parties every moment until i leave for new york. today i ate SO much pizza at the pizza buffet and also at work. i also realized that i'm going to miss olympia so much. then i drank a bud lite and walked home. the house is totally trashed, our drier's broken and i haven't done laundry in weeks. I need to give all my stuff away and be happy in new york. does anyone have an extra elastica record they would like to gift to me? i really want a copy of their self titled album. my sinuses are fucked from all the gluten, dairy and cigarettes i've been stuffing my face with, so i'm about to go to sleep and snore like a motherfucker. total mouthbreather. total bummer.

tonight, brandon and marty and i founded the post-apocalyptic film club. we watched road warrior and talked about smoking pot and doing drugs and battle royale. then we looked up other killer klassics to watch in the future. it is our favorite film genre, so it's a good thing that we found one another in this cold, cruel world. what lucky duxxx.

i'm going to move in with lauren and judd next month. i'll miss this silly old house, but marty's going to move into my room and i'll still come and hang out here. it'll be nice to be on the west side again. i'm really going to miss living with brandon, because he is a nice friend and roommate and i like sitting around shooting the shit in the evening.

i bought a dead moon best of album today and it rules so hard. so does roky erikson and this one neil young song.


we made caramel corn tonight and it was so amazingly good.

melt one tablespoon butter in pan, add a cup of sugar and a bit of milk. stir over med. heat. add salt and vanilla. pour over popcorn.

i ate a lot and my stomach is probably going to feel bad in the morning.

going back to new york city, going to feel the wind in my hair. going to come back to the northwest feeling whole and happy again. already excited.

mom and i have plans. she'll pick me up at the airport at 8am and we'll get breakfast at the waverly for old times sake on my part. we'll go to museums and the hospital and enjoy the time we spend together.

erika and anna and chris and i have plans. we're going to fall in love with each other, at least, that's what my plans for the trip home are. i'm going to fall hopelessly back in love with everyone. life in olympia's been bumming me out. i feel sad and empty a lot of the time. i think about boys a lot, and not enough about the things that will make me happier.

back to olympia! pancakes at midnight!

my nail polish is cracking off and i'm leaving for the airport at 4:30. i'm Horovitz-late, which means I won't actually get anything done that needed to happen, namely bidding tearful goodbyes to ridiculously beloved friends. I'm a fickle beast, and now i think I could make a cozy little hole for myself here. Ten minutes back home and I'll either be terribly homesick or will have totally forgotten I'd ever left. I had an omelet for breakfast and all this dairy I've been eating has made my throat so sore and I'm also getting fatter. I'll wait til I get home to detoxify myself.


my unfunny new years resolution is to lighten up and start doing all of the things i used to do that were fun and stupid and bad for me.

apartment hunting

sometimes i'm unhappy in olympia. these are places i'd like to call my own.

in boston


in austin
New York
San Francisco
Portland
Philadelphia

Monday, September 10th. Great.

Right now I'm sitting in the Kill Rock Stars Warehouse, updating my blog and drinking coffee with a shot of espresso in it. I'm listening to Al Green's cover of I Wanna Hold Your Hand. Did you know that it's possible to listen to the greatest music ever made in the same place? just type "silver abuse" into last.fm and listen to "similar artists". I'm probably not supposed to be here, but I am going to do some mail order so it is not an abuse of privileges. I am not having a good day. I'm listening to This American Life to make myself feel better. I don't know if it will work. It was hot today, and I didn't do much except sweat and talk to people I only know a little bit. Also, did you know that only one person responds to my letters really consistantly?Two if you were to count my mother. I'm not going to. So, one.

I keep thinking of stupid romantic things, and it's probably because I'm tired and grumpy. I guess I should go to the gym tomorrow. I keep looking at jobs on the internet, and I think if I want to do something real I need to move to Seattle or Portland. So I don't know...It's not a choice I really want to make-- I like Olympia right now, and I don't know much about Seattle or Portland.

I'm not homesick, I'm just feeling down. I kind of miss the wowhaus with my room with all of my stuff and people to talk to and lounge with.

I'm reading Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion and I think she ends her pieces really well. It makes my heart sieze up.

summer's end: all i listen to is the talking heads.

this morning, i saw my first fallen leaves of the year. it was a major shock, but I'm doing fine. i had the day off work, pretty much. I biked downtown this morning to give some CDs to stereo total's tour manager and then rode out to lacey along the bike trail. I went to Michaels to pick stuff up for "the worlds smallest baked potato", the stupid movie i've decided to make.

it's been a little weird these past few days: Jon moved to Seattle and Alexia went back to France. I went to a wolves in the throne room show at Caliope last night that had a bonfire, and it was pretty awesome. Today Brandon opened up the pizzeria for a bit and I had dinner with him and his friend Jeff. I also bought a book on gardening and DIY photography stuff. We're going to turn the broken bathroom into a darkroom, and I'm still determined to build a photobooth this winter. So yeah. Lots of projects to keep busy with--who needs friends when you've got complicated projects? Not me. It's mad scientist all the way from here on out. It's raining cats and dogs right now, and I am happy to be inside. I think I might go and eat some chocolate.

look at these photographs

This is the charming dude that I embroidered on the back of my tshirt. he is about 2 inches across and dead center.













This guy on the right is simply a gratuitous photograph of my cluttered room, and is also meant to show off the records i bought at a yard sale for $.25 each (john lee hooker! edith piaf! ancient country recordings!!!!!!).














this is my filthy room. i am a slob and it's just something you're going to have to deal with if you actually care about me. if i had my druthers, i would while away the rest of my days at yardsales, picking through piles of cast off junk and convincing myself that I really need another old thermos, cat painting or pair of gingham overall shorts.

here are two of the books that i have made so far, shown with a photograph of a chimpanzee playing roughly with a bear cub.

I am doing well, which is cool. I mean, not RIDICULOUSLY well, but I'm happy little thing still, so that's alright. I've dealt with easier things than figuring out how I feel about all this boy trouble, but I've also dealt with more difficult situations, and since I am a grown up, I will continue to take this all in stride, with only momentary lapses into moping around.

the important news in my life is that i am moving out of my coffin room, and into a lovely house with brandon and craig. brandon and i are arranging a brilliant bike ride to seattle, which will obviously rule. there is no use providing details here, as i doubt that my meager reader base includes anyone within a trillion miles of olympia.

I am going to a dance party tonight, and am decked out in a new pair of shorts, although without a mirror, I cannot tell if I look like your mom at the beach, or a hottie with a body. Luckily, I don't care at all, and am just hoping that I will not be too scared to join in the dancing.

I like living in Olympia, WA because it is pretty and warm and the people are really great and there are not many of them, so it is easy to feel very popular and in the know, as it is impossible to avoid running into them all at once.


i am listening to evan dando, predictably, and he is still a total babe.

i just got dumped. this is great and i feel like a complete asshole.

if you're reading my life on the internet, you should leave a comment.

Look, to keep things on a positive note, I've been reading a lot of craft blogs. you know, on the world wide web. These blogs, on top of the regular dorky vegan cooking blogs I usually read, are really blowing my mind as to the totally brilliant and awesome things that people are doing in the world. for instance, had you ever thought of crocheting a squid? or cross stitching princess toadstool onto the sleeve of your dress shirt?

I've been making some pathetic attempts to emulate the crafting genius that lives on the internet, and so far, I'm falling pretty short. My Woody Allen embroidery is messy and not very convincing, and my funny little doodle embroideries pale in comparison to the epic portraiture of the interweb.

so yeah. I'm going to see if I can get some of the books I've made consigned at dumpster values. I went on a jog this morning and rode my bike up the hill twice. I've been feeling really weird about some things, so I'm trying to tire myself out and keep my mind off of things I'm better off not dwelling on. I think I'm going to see Spider and The Webs play with Sex Vid tonight. Whatever, Who Cares, this is SUMMER VACATION.



bummer, though, man. I miss hanging out with friends. Don't forget about me if you're out there, reading this in cyberspace. I've also got an actual, real life couch that I'd love for you to snuggle up on if you feel like paying me a visit*.


*offer only extended to actual friends and not any old person who stumbles over here.

Nice times in Olympia

As you might easily have guessed from my miserable attitude just 5 days ago, things are obviously alright. I've been working at old school, and hanging out with this guy. Today, I trained as a cook, which is cool, since being a cashier isn't all its chalked up to be. Tonight, I plan on taking a long walk, reading a book and watching Paris, Je T'aime and hanging out with that guy.
Tomorrow, I will work at KRS in the morning, learn more about pizza making in the early afternoon, and anything after that is too far in the future to be planned.


But....................the important thing is that I am a happy little clam at the moment, and that I have bought a plane ticket to Minneapolis for 12:55am on July 28th. It was a stupid flight to chose, but I'm a poor decision maker, so now I will begin convincing myself that it'll be exciting to hang around the airport at night.



I also embroidered a charming little dude on the back of my t-shirt last night, as I was waiting around to get sleepy. I plan to scatter more little embroidered dudes on the rest of my clothes, which is why my plans now include a trip to someplace that sells embroidery thread.

Terribly Homesick

I have settled into my mini-room in Olympia. I am ridiculously and pathetically homesick. If you happen to be on my extensive list of mail-recipients (and I don't know why anyone who didn't know me would read this), you can look forward to receiving a whiny and depressing letter, detailing my limited experiences so far. Some of the highlights including :

walking to and from downtown a few times a day.
wondering if people notice that I'm always walking to and from downtown.
chastising myself for wondering if people are noticing me.
wondering if people think I'm a weirdo for walking around so much.

It's the sort of beautiful cycle of thought that only occurs when one spends immense amounts of time alone and without aims or goals. Perhaps, as any number of people have told me in the months leading up to this move, Olympia was not the best possible destination. It is too early to tell, but it's on my mind. I've also found myself overly concerned with "bothering" people, which has so far translated into not getting in touch with anyone I knew last summer, and having my feelings hurt that my house was not demolished in a mad rush of people trying to hang out with me. So, in the end, I know I'm being pretty ridiculous and more than a little self-centered, as well as quite impatient and unrealistic. But still.