things that don't actually distract you from heartbreak
-avoiding the completion of your graduate thesis.
-working on your graduate thesis.
-devouring news of human rights violations and governmental fraud and deceit to remind yourself that you're being selfish. god, that one is so fucked up and gross and twisted.
-looking at photos on social networking sites.
-not looking at photos on social networking sites, but remembering what they look like.
-wearing the same shirt that you've worn for the past four days, even though it smells terrible.


it does actually help to leave the house, exercise often, spend time with friends, go to sleep when you're tired, and oddly enough, talk about your feelings with everyone until you become a little desensitized to them.

psych. i feel sick to my stomach. maybe the only modern cure is to stay off the internet.

bye

Today is so sad and I can't get San Francisco off my mind. Tomorrow is Queer Rock Camp all week long. I've gotta pack. fuck.

nothing to report

i'm in love with boston, massachusetts, and i'm never going to stop feeling that love. long ago, it seeped into the cracks and crevices of my heart. the slab and the stairs by the fens, the kitchen at lawn street, the practice space next to stevies, the final miles of the chinatown bus route from new york city...that shit sticks like tar. I never want to scrape it off.


maybe i'm so tired, maybe it's too close too home, maybe whatever...but I can't seem to move past the sinking in my stomach at the names of those familiar streets or the flashes of places i've biked and walked through a million trillion zillion times, pooled with blood and fear.

I'm having a really hard time working through to the big picture, having a really hard time thinking relatively.

i am feeling grumpier than ever and thinking about how nice it would be to fall in love and get the fuck out of olympia. i'm stuck in a worm hole where all i do is read comic books and go running and eat candy and wish things were different. there. a little insight into some seriously boring plod-of-time-shit to pour into the internet ether.

oh

I'm feeling mightily panicked, tomorrow I'm supposed to hang out with my mom, but I think I might dick out and reread Things are Meaning less before I go out to the movies and watch Stranger than Paradise at BAM.

Drop out, I wanna join a gym and listen to the Cramps every moment of every day.

no sleep in brooklyn

oh gawd, i can't listen to the replacements if i'm trying to fend off worry and an aching heart.

calder's (steamin')circus

lately: bowled over by waves of sentimental horseshit and nostalgia. spending money on books that make my heart seize up. listening to Alex Chilton and left of the dial on repeat. Gawd, I can barely even stand it! Spend a few days in Providence, totally into it. Don't have time to figure it out, gotta get to the farmers market

i like blogs about ebay

today was summer thanksgiving. i walked my bicycle home from work, sweating. i rode to the co-op and back, cooked tofurkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. food-specked cans rolling from the recycling pile only spoke to the help I recieved from campbells and generic brand french cut beans. we all agreed it was really tasty. jean and i broke up and i'm too young to not make wild mistakes. all i want to do is go out on dates, except all i really want to do is not go out on any dates. you can catch me at the ymca at 8:30am tomorrow morning. i'll be sweaty. jesus and mary chain tomorrow night, i just bought my ticket. chris'll be in seattle, maybe we can stay up all night drinking coffee and eating little donuts. i really hope so, i miss that guy.



//////3 WEEKS 'TIL EUROPEAN VACATOUR'08\\\\\\


i keep having crazy dreams, but none of them are sexy, they're all a little gloomy.

Monday, September 10th. Great.

Right now I'm sitting in the Kill Rock Stars Warehouse, updating my blog and drinking coffee with a shot of espresso in it. I'm listening to Al Green's cover of I Wanna Hold Your Hand. Did you know that it's possible to listen to the greatest music ever made in the same place? just type "silver abuse" into last.fm and listen to "similar artists". I'm probably not supposed to be here, but I am going to do some mail order so it is not an abuse of privileges. I am not having a good day. I'm listening to This American Life to make myself feel better. I don't know if it will work. It was hot today, and I didn't do much except sweat and talk to people I only know a little bit. Also, did you know that only one person responds to my letters really consistantly?Two if you were to count my mother. I'm not going to. So, one.

I keep thinking of stupid romantic things, and it's probably because I'm tired and grumpy. I guess I should go to the gym tomorrow. I keep looking at jobs on the internet, and I think if I want to do something real I need to move to Seattle or Portland. So I don't know...It's not a choice I really want to make-- I like Olympia right now, and I don't know much about Seattle or Portland.

I'm not homesick, I'm just feeling down. I kind of miss the wowhaus with my room with all of my stuff and people to talk to and lounge with.

I'm reading Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion and I think she ends her pieces really well. It makes my heart sieze up.