Creep it out, Creep it out, Creep it out, Creep it out

The weirdest thing about having a blog that no one reads is that it still gets all these page views. I know, because the internet is just a big spying machine, and almost 100 people in switzerland looked at it yesterday. using linux, according to google. What does that even MEAN?

also, the thing I am mostly stoked on right now is the reading for the class I'm taking on settler colonialism. It's hard to feel really busy and I've been canceling all my plans to make sure that I can finish the projects I've committed to and even then there aren't enough days in the week. I've been running further again, and I love running so much and I love trail running most of all. I didn't shower after work and my hair smells like pizza.

i'm in olympia RIGHT NOW

So I deleted my facebook account in favor of this:




I haven't written in it yet, because I'm in olympia and i'm fucking holed up in Colleen's apartment using her computer like a serious fiend (hi Colleen!). I've been reading sneaker blogs 'cause Keds x playcloths are coming out with cameo keds that i wanna get. (like I need another pair of sneakers, even?!)

 I moved to Portland and am not feeling as lonely as I was before, though I am avoiding the part where I check my bank account balance and freak out because I don't have a job. I'm in Olympia right now, helping Sarah Adams and Ryan McClain fix up their apartment. It feels seriously weird to not actually live here and walk around hanging out.

Drummer, Allie and I went to the Japanther vs. Nightshade shadow puppet show at Disjecta and it looked so rad. I'd biked through the torrential rain to get there, though, so I felt super distracted and spazzed out.

Damn, it feels so good to not be able to be on facebook right now, that shit makes me feel so sad and panicky. I felt like all I was ever doing was stirring my anxiety around: imagining how much fun everyone else is having and getting weird and stressy about whether anyone cared about me in some fucked up, twisted passive way 'cause who the fuck uses facebook as their primary way of showing friendship or affection or whatever? Whatever. It was feeding my loneliness, and at least now I can write in my facebook journal, go windowshopping on the internet and watch the olympia pride parade. and I can fucking do that all by my fucking self and be fucking ecstatic.


oh shit! the hair zine 2 is gunna be a featured local zine at red and black!

i am totally amending my plans. instead of making plans, i'm going to flake on them all and just hang out and go to parties every moment until i leave for new york. today i ate SO much pizza at the pizza buffet and also at work. i also realized that i'm going to miss olympia so much. then i drank a bud lite and walked home. the house is totally trashed, our drier's broken and i haven't done laundry in weeks. I need to give all my stuff away and be happy in new york. does anyone have an extra elastica record they would like to gift to me? i really want a copy of their self titled album. my sinuses are fucked from all the gluten, dairy and cigarettes i've been stuffing my face with, so i'm about to go to sleep and snore like a motherfucker. total mouthbreather. total bummer.

i've got a walkman, no ipod.

i'd like some mix tapes for my birthday. old hip hop or girl groups from days gone by. december 14th. i'll be 22. gosh.



i walked to work today listening to the shangri-las and it was pretty awesome. kenny tested out the birthday pizza and it was very tasty. i am tired all the time, i bet it's from eating so much sugar. the film festival is in full swing, but i didn't have to volunteer tonight, thank goodness. i'm going to be visiting the east coast in a few weeks, but i'm too sleepy right now to mention much. it'll be nice to see some of my charming friends and my darling family after 6 long months of separation, plus i'll be able to gallop around some familiar cities again. i'm getting a bit worked up just thinking about how much i miss it all. it's a shame how much time i spend thinking and talking about myself and how little time i spend doing anything creative or worthwhile. shake your heads in disapproval, some things need to change.

brandon and i are starting a book club concentrating on novels that have been made into movies. we plan to read, watch, discuss, repeat. so far we have not invited any cute boys to join, but i truly believe that these are the sort of intellectual pursuits that get you laid.



i did finish reading Jonathon Franzen's How to Be Alone, and I really, really enjoyed it. Every tiny little thing. I think I might be a little in love. I'm a little ashamed of the things I'm drawn to-- straight pop, through and through-- but like I said, there's been too much space in my head dedicated to mediocre self analysis, and it's stopping right now.

goodnight, i'm asleep now.

summer's end: all i listen to is the talking heads.

this morning, i saw my first fallen leaves of the year. it was a major shock, but I'm doing fine. i had the day off work, pretty much. I biked downtown this morning to give some CDs to stereo total's tour manager and then rode out to lacey along the bike trail. I went to Michaels to pick stuff up for "the worlds smallest baked potato", the stupid movie i've decided to make.

it's been a little weird these past few days: Jon moved to Seattle and Alexia went back to France. I went to a wolves in the throne room show at Caliope last night that had a bonfire, and it was pretty awesome. Today Brandon opened up the pizzeria for a bit and I had dinner with him and his friend Jeff. I also bought a book on gardening and DIY photography stuff. We're going to turn the broken bathroom into a darkroom, and I'm still determined to build a photobooth this winter. So yeah. Lots of projects to keep busy with--who needs friends when you've got complicated projects? Not me. It's mad scientist all the way from here on out. It's raining cats and dogs right now, and I am happy to be inside. I think I might go and eat some chocolate.

what the heck fest, and my dreams for the future

while the rest of the world jetted between 77boardrums and pitchfork and ibeza, I made it to what the heck fest on friday night--no one would cover my shift on saturday night, and i am broke, so it was a one night stand for sure, but it was fun and hot and I don't regret a thing. I would have taken more pictures, but I am shy about using digital cameras unless I am drunk, so here's this one:
Of all of the nights to stay, I like to tell myself that I lucked out. Whether or not this is just a self congratulatory analysis of the circumstance, I was able to see some lovely music, and all for $5, incidentally.


Bobby Birdman
I think that he is such a babe, plus he's got such a crooning voice ANNNNDDDDD he is not playing solo any more, so that was cool. and i haven't seen him play since that econ major totally fucked up his set my sophmore year and matt and lincoln were heckling.

Lloyd & Michael
Kate from Dear Nora is in this band, and it was ever better than I expected. I was sitting with a bunch of freshly met and friendly individuals, and the music was so cozy, and there was free tea and coffee, so it all added up pretty well.

Mecca Normal
I always thought I really detested Mecca Normal, but I was lying to myself I guess, because it turns out that I don't. My plan to sit in the park and write letters, drink soda and eat candy was cut short by the jarring absence of chic-o-stix from the 7-11 and more importantly, the fucking rain. I am glad that I did not make a stubborn decision, because instead of sitting outside in the rain sulking, I realized I have a new band to like AND I stayed warm and dry.

Calvin Johnson
Sang a really funny song about a movie theatre.

The Blow
Totally bummed me out. I think I was getting pretty cranky by the time she went on, but everytime I felt like dancing, the feeling left me, and I wanted to reach for my cane and snap at the ankles of all the young whippersnappers flailing all around me. There were a couple of boys who kept holding their hands up like Parenthesis during that song, and it was much more infuriating than it should have been. My expectations were pretty high for the night, since last year I danced so hard that I had to nap in the car afterwards, as I'd worn myself out.

Dennis Driscoll
Makes my heart melt.
------this guy was a sailor who had just shipped into anacortes, who was wondering why there were so many hip kids milling around. we met him as we walked past a book store talking about harry potter, and he said "did you say something about stealing harry potter?" and then lifted up his shirt.
-------------
So, post-Heck Fest, I was dropped off at the pizzeria and began my shift, which totally sucked because of lake fair. I was getting a serious contact high from all the baked teenagers who couldn't make up their minds, and then there were snotty little brats skipping the line to tell me they had to pee and needed the bathroom key. After work, I met up with that guy, who was bummed out, and I managed to convince myself that I probably had a lot of feelings for him, an opinion which I have now amended and hope to never return to, as I think he's a moody jerk and he doesn't like me anyway. well, perhaps not a jerk, but moody and inconsiderate. and he doesn't care for me, just calls me up when he's bummed out.

so yeah, i went from total awesome weekend, straight back into bummed about boys. i think the perfect solution would be to stop thinking about boys, but they are literally everywhere (except women and trans night at the bike shop, and probably ladies night at mccoys), and it seems that I have morphed into a horny twelve year old1.

I AM MOVING ON FRIDAY THANK GOD.


1 This sort of relates to a conversation recently had regarding the heart-melting way that teenage couples hook onto one another like octopus (octopuses? octopi???).

Nice times in Olympia

As you might easily have guessed from my miserable attitude just 5 days ago, things are obviously alright. I've been working at old school, and hanging out with this guy. Today, I trained as a cook, which is cool, since being a cashier isn't all its chalked up to be. Tonight, I plan on taking a long walk, reading a book and watching Paris, Je T'aime and hanging out with that guy.
Tomorrow, I will work at KRS in the morning, learn more about pizza making in the early afternoon, and anything after that is too far in the future to be planned.


But....................the important thing is that I am a happy little clam at the moment, and that I have bought a plane ticket to Minneapolis for 12:55am on July 28th. It was a stupid flight to chose, but I'm a poor decision maker, so now I will begin convincing myself that it'll be exciting to hang around the airport at night.



I also embroidered a charming little dude on the back of my t-shirt last night, as I was waiting around to get sleepy. I plan to scatter more little embroidered dudes on the rest of my clothes, which is why my plans now include a trip to someplace that sells embroidery thread.