christmas sucks

seeing your soul in photographs

the past few nights have been full of crazy dreams, all anxiety and worry and fears leaking out and soaking into every dream-spot. last night was imagined disco balls spilling light and sound and video across rooms and walls and faces, such a change from rejection and disappointment ballooning out of control and ruining any hope for restful sleep. It's so different to wake up awake. I'm escaping New York on November 14th, back to Olympia for however long. I've got an idea of what's out there and I'm ok with it. I feel like molasses and roofing tar and toothpaste and I want to be alone and listen to the Clash and The Breeders and Brian Eno. SO THERE!

i woke up at 8:30 and read . then i planted in the garden, then i went to a hare krishna temple for lunch. then i sat in bergen street comics and read jeffrey brown and fantagraphics comics for a few hours. then i came home and i've been snacking and watching fishing with john for the last couple of hours. i discovered that we have a mouse. yesterday i painted my bathroom with chalkboard paint, the 2nd coat while i was slightly intoxicated and certainly exhausted. it's a little sloppy.

I wanna have crushes on boys, dunno who to crush out on. don't hang out with anyone really. i think it's just the graphic novels talking. i think it's just the new york city talking. i think it's the lonely bikerides talking. there's no way it could be me talking, because i don't wanna date cute boys or ever have fun or exciting times. at some point i've gotta own up to romance cravings. the internet seems like a good place to start.

i've had about 6 cups of coffee today.

i am totally amending my plans. instead of making plans, i'm going to flake on them all and just hang out and go to parties every moment until i leave for new york. today i ate SO much pizza at the pizza buffet and also at work. i also realized that i'm going to miss olympia so much. then i drank a bud lite and walked home. the house is totally trashed, our drier's broken and i haven't done laundry in weeks. I need to give all my stuff away and be happy in new york. does anyone have an extra elastica record they would like to gift to me? i really want a copy of their self titled album. my sinuses are fucked from all the gluten, dairy and cigarettes i've been stuffing my face with, so i'm about to go to sleep and snore like a motherfucker. total mouthbreather. total bummer.