9:30am: have had enough coffee to render myself incapable of complex thought, human interaction, or maintaining the dryness of my palms.


better blog about it!!!!

i don't know where i'm expecting to get a ride to, but i've been checking the craiglist rideshare a few times a day as i do my embarrassing internet sweep of weird recipe blogs, pictures of shoes, youtube videos, missed connections and free stuff. I guess I've replaced new job and new house with getting the hell outta dodge.

i'm also on cup of coffee #2, and i can feel the nervousness setting in. i don't really have enough time to go running today, but i think i might have to if i can't shake this feeling (that i seriously brought on myself and am entirely responsible for). I've been running a lot recently, and my mornings have begun to follow this script:

SHE WAKES UP. SQUINTS AT CLOCK, CAN'T SEE IT THROUGH CLUTTER ON DESK, DOESN'T CARE. STARTS TO CARE, SITS UP IN BED TO SEE CLOCK, REALIZES THAT THERE'S NO STOPPING IT NOW AND SHE'S AWAKE. 7AM. LIES HEAD BACK DOWN AND STARES AT CLOCK FOR HALF AN HOUR. THEN,

(internally) hannah: i don't want to go running today. i don't need to. i can take a day off.

SHE THROWS OFF THE BLANKETS, LEAVING THEM CRUMPLED ON HER BED AS SHE GOES TO WASH HER FACE. FROM THERE, SHE HEADS TO THE KITCHEN WHERE SHE MAKES COFFEE. RETURNS TO THE BEDROOM WITH MUG AND SITS IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER TO READ BLOGS, FACEBOOK AND PLAY SCRABBLE (BADLY). FINISHES CUP OF COFFEE, BRIEFLY EXITS, RETURNS WITH FULL MUG.

HALFWAY THROUGH SECOND MUG,

(internally) hannah: oh no. i feel weird. i drank too much coffee. I've gotta go running. just a short run.

PUTS ON RUNNING CLOTHES AND SHOES, EXITS. RETURNS AN HOUR LATER, DRIPPING WITH SWEAT, HAVING RUN 6 MILES WITHOUT PLANNING ON IT AGAIN.





i've also expanded my dreamdate to include BOTH watching a meteor shower and eating sugar cereal, as opposed to the previous one or the other scenerio. gotta dream big to fall in LUV!

things that i'm interested in, just in general

1. making mixtapes off youtube: the nerves, the urinals, the verlaines, the saints, jewel....
2. elephant six covering flying nun.

i guess really elf power's nothing's going to happen in it's entirety..
3. The Silver Surfer
4. Embroidery
5. Tweaking out pretty hard on too much coffee
6. My dear diary bedroom.
7. not writing things down
8. thinking about boys, abstractly
9. ignoring a vague sense of impending doom and dissatisfaction, choosing instead to focus on the manic optimism of recent astrological predictions from the stranger's horoscopes.
10. fully lacking any motivation to drag myself out of bed in the morning and do anything other than listen to music on the internet and cruise ebay for nothing special.

and, as a secret aside into my life, i've been having to talk myself down from having a second pot of coffee in the morning.

i woke up at 8:30 and read . then i planted in the garden, then i went to a hare krishna temple for lunch. then i sat in bergen street comics and read jeffrey brown and fantagraphics comics for a few hours. then i came home and i've been snacking and watching fishing with john for the last couple of hours. i discovered that we have a mouse. yesterday i painted my bathroom with chalkboard paint, the 2nd coat while i was slightly intoxicated and certainly exhausted. it's a little sloppy.

I wanna have crushes on boys, dunno who to crush out on. don't hang out with anyone really. i think it's just the graphic novels talking. i think it's just the new york city talking. i think it's the lonely bikerides talking. there's no way it could be me talking, because i don't wanna date cute boys or ever have fun or exciting times. at some point i've gotta own up to romance cravings. the internet seems like a good place to start.

i've had about 6 cups of coffee today.