things that i'm interested in, just in general

1. making mixtapes off youtube: the nerves, the urinals, the verlaines, the saints, jewel....
2. elephant six covering flying nun.

i guess really elf power's nothing's going to happen in it's entirety..
3. The Silver Surfer
4. Embroidery
5. Tweaking out pretty hard on too much coffee
6. My dear diary bedroom.
7. not writing things down
8. thinking about boys, abstractly
9. ignoring a vague sense of impending doom and dissatisfaction, choosing instead to focus on the manic optimism of recent astrological predictions from the stranger's horoscopes.
10. fully lacking any motivation to drag myself out of bed in the morning and do anything other than listen to music on the internet and cruise ebay for nothing special.

and, as a secret aside into my life, i've been having to talk myself down from having a second pot of coffee in the morning.

i woke up at 8:30 and read . then i planted in the garden, then i went to a hare krishna temple for lunch. then i sat in bergen street comics and read jeffrey brown and fantagraphics comics for a few hours. then i came home and i've been snacking and watching fishing with john for the last couple of hours. i discovered that we have a mouse. yesterday i painted my bathroom with chalkboard paint, the 2nd coat while i was slightly intoxicated and certainly exhausted. it's a little sloppy.

I wanna have crushes on boys, dunno who to crush out on. don't hang out with anyone really. i think it's just the graphic novels talking. i think it's just the new york city talking. i think it's the lonely bikerides talking. there's no way it could be me talking, because i don't wanna date cute boys or ever have fun or exciting times. at some point i've gotta own up to romance cravings. the internet seems like a good place to start.

i've had about 6 cups of coffee today.

i like blogs about ebay

today was summer thanksgiving. i walked my bicycle home from work, sweating. i rode to the co-op and back, cooked tofurkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. food-specked cans rolling from the recycling pile only spoke to the help I recieved from campbells and generic brand french cut beans. we all agreed it was really tasty. jean and i broke up and i'm too young to not make wild mistakes. all i want to do is go out on dates, except all i really want to do is not go out on any dates. you can catch me at the ymca at 8:30am tomorrow morning. i'll be sweaty. jesus and mary chain tomorrow night, i just bought my ticket. chris'll be in seattle, maybe we can stay up all night drinking coffee and eating little donuts. i really hope so, i miss that guy.



//////3 WEEKS 'TIL EUROPEAN VACATOUR'08\\\\\\


i keep having crazy dreams, but none of them are sexy, they're all a little gloomy.

going back to new york city, going to feel the wind in my hair. going to come back to the northwest feeling whole and happy again. already excited.

mom and i have plans. she'll pick me up at the airport at 8am and we'll get breakfast at the waverly for old times sake on my part. we'll go to museums and the hospital and enjoy the time we spend together.

erika and anna and chris and i have plans. we're going to fall in love with each other, at least, that's what my plans for the trip home are. i'm going to fall hopelessly back in love with everyone. life in olympia's been bumming me out. i feel sad and empty a lot of the time. i think about boys a lot, and not enough about the things that will make me happier.

this is a mixtape that i made for jean that is indubitably like me at 14, 15, 16 and not very much like me now. I was all caught up in the 4am feelings, and nothing could shake it save the sober morning light. I'm sending it anyway, on principle.

SIDE NUMBER ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE
1. Lyn Taitt- Soul Food
2. Pavement- Here
3. Sonic Youth- Tuff Gnarl
4. Unwound- No Tech!
5. 311- Prisoner
6. Thee Headcoatees- Ce Plan Pour Moi
7. Jonathan Richman- Give Paris One More Chance
8. Palace Brothers- I Send my Love to You
9. Herman Dune- These Arms of Mine
10. Velvet Underground- I'll be Your Mirror
SIDE NUMBER TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO
1. Woody Allen- Lost Generation
2. Telephone- Le Vadou
3. Dictators- Sleeping With the TV on
4. Xray Spex- Germ Free Adolescence
5. Lee Ronaldo- The Bridge
6. Smog- Rock Bottom Riser
7. LCD Soundsystem- New York I Love You, But You're Bringing me Down
8. The Smiths- How Soon is Now?


i'm in new york and my mom is out of the hospital. I sewed a handkerchief this evening. I'm feeling really guilty about going out, so I haven't really hung out with anyone. Maybe I will go out tomorrow night. Brandon called me on Christmas when He, Hallie, Craig and Emily were watching movies at our house. It made me homesick. I'm feeling a bit lonely and bummed out as well. I'm eating brunch with Ollie and Uncle Sol tomorrow, and then to the MoMA with Colleen. Perhaps we will call Drummer and pretend it's Olympia.


It's time for this little sourpuss to get off the internet and curl up with a lovely book before bedtime. happy 2:45 am.

what the heck fest, and my dreams for the future

while the rest of the world jetted between 77boardrums and pitchfork and ibeza, I made it to what the heck fest on friday night--no one would cover my shift on saturday night, and i am broke, so it was a one night stand for sure, but it was fun and hot and I don't regret a thing. I would have taken more pictures, but I am shy about using digital cameras unless I am drunk, so here's this one:
Of all of the nights to stay, I like to tell myself that I lucked out. Whether or not this is just a self congratulatory analysis of the circumstance, I was able to see some lovely music, and all for $5, incidentally.


Bobby Birdman
I think that he is such a babe, plus he's got such a crooning voice ANNNNDDDDD he is not playing solo any more, so that was cool. and i haven't seen him play since that econ major totally fucked up his set my sophmore year and matt and lincoln were heckling.

Lloyd & Michael
Kate from Dear Nora is in this band, and it was ever better than I expected. I was sitting with a bunch of freshly met and friendly individuals, and the music was so cozy, and there was free tea and coffee, so it all added up pretty well.

Mecca Normal
I always thought I really detested Mecca Normal, but I was lying to myself I guess, because it turns out that I don't. My plan to sit in the park and write letters, drink soda and eat candy was cut short by the jarring absence of chic-o-stix from the 7-11 and more importantly, the fucking rain. I am glad that I did not make a stubborn decision, because instead of sitting outside in the rain sulking, I realized I have a new band to like AND I stayed warm and dry.

Calvin Johnson
Sang a really funny song about a movie theatre.

The Blow
Totally bummed me out. I think I was getting pretty cranky by the time she went on, but everytime I felt like dancing, the feeling left me, and I wanted to reach for my cane and snap at the ankles of all the young whippersnappers flailing all around me. There were a couple of boys who kept holding their hands up like Parenthesis during that song, and it was much more infuriating than it should have been. My expectations were pretty high for the night, since last year I danced so hard that I had to nap in the car afterwards, as I'd worn myself out.

Dennis Driscoll
Makes my heart melt.
------this guy was a sailor who had just shipped into anacortes, who was wondering why there were so many hip kids milling around. we met him as we walked past a book store talking about harry potter, and he said "did you say something about stealing harry potter?" and then lifted up his shirt.
-------------
So, post-Heck Fest, I was dropped off at the pizzeria and began my shift, which totally sucked because of lake fair. I was getting a serious contact high from all the baked teenagers who couldn't make up their minds, and then there were snotty little brats skipping the line to tell me they had to pee and needed the bathroom key. After work, I met up with that guy, who was bummed out, and I managed to convince myself that I probably had a lot of feelings for him, an opinion which I have now amended and hope to never return to, as I think he's a moody jerk and he doesn't like me anyway. well, perhaps not a jerk, but moody and inconsiderate. and he doesn't care for me, just calls me up when he's bummed out.

so yeah, i went from total awesome weekend, straight back into bummed about boys. i think the perfect solution would be to stop thinking about boys, but they are literally everywhere (except women and trans night at the bike shop, and probably ladies night at mccoys), and it seems that I have morphed into a horny twelve year old1.

I AM MOVING ON FRIDAY THANK GOD.


1 This sort of relates to a conversation recently had regarding the heart-melting way that teenage couples hook onto one another like octopus (octopuses? octopi???).

I am doing well, which is cool. I mean, not RIDICULOUSLY well, but I'm happy little thing still, so that's alright. I've dealt with easier things than figuring out how I feel about all this boy trouble, but I've also dealt with more difficult situations, and since I am a grown up, I will continue to take this all in stride, with only momentary lapses into moping around.

the important news in my life is that i am moving out of my coffin room, and into a lovely house with brandon and craig. brandon and i are arranging a brilliant bike ride to seattle, which will obviously rule. there is no use providing details here, as i doubt that my meager reader base includes anyone within a trillion miles of olympia.

I am going to a dance party tonight, and am decked out in a new pair of shorts, although without a mirror, I cannot tell if I look like your mom at the beach, or a hottie with a body. Luckily, I don't care at all, and am just hoping that I will not be too scared to join in the dancing.

I like living in Olympia, WA because it is pretty and warm and the people are really great and there are not many of them, so it is easy to feel very popular and in the know, as it is impossible to avoid running into them all at once.


i am listening to evan dando, predictably, and he is still a total babe.

i just got dumped. this is great and i feel like a complete asshole.

Nice times in Olympia

As you might easily have guessed from my miserable attitude just 5 days ago, things are obviously alright. I've been working at old school, and hanging out with this guy. Today, I trained as a cook, which is cool, since being a cashier isn't all its chalked up to be. Tonight, I plan on taking a long walk, reading a book and watching Paris, Je T'aime and hanging out with that guy.
Tomorrow, I will work at KRS in the morning, learn more about pizza making in the early afternoon, and anything after that is too far in the future to be planned.


But....................the important thing is that I am a happy little clam at the moment, and that I have bought a plane ticket to Minneapolis for 12:55am on July 28th. It was a stupid flight to chose, but I'm a poor decision maker, so now I will begin convincing myself that it'll be exciting to hang around the airport at night.



I also embroidered a charming little dude on the back of my t-shirt last night, as I was waiting around to get sleepy. I plan to scatter more little embroidered dudes on the rest of my clothes, which is why my plans now include a trip to someplace that sells embroidery thread.