Sitting in a theatre agency in Berlin, Germany, putting together excerpted reviews for press releases, I feel divided/conflicted/nervous/ill at ease/an entire sea of similar discriptive emotions about my experiences this past month. I left home at a surprisingly inconvenient time, just as conflicts were being addressed, new possibilities raised their heads and old relationships seemed finally laid to rest. I have only the slightest clue as to what it will be like to return home, and I'm not sure that I'm excited by it. I'm worried as to how I will fit back into my life, and concerned that rejection and disapointment will be inescapable. These past two weeks, particularly have given me ample oppurtunity to set myself up for these feelings, and I'm kicking myself for it. While the start of the tour was dazzling and vibrant and full of new people, I've found myself settling into an all-to-familiar domesticity that I had taken this trip to escape from in part. Within that, of course, I'm rediscovering dusty and forgotten parts of myself that I didn't know I missed. For this, I am thankful, and perhaps cannot explain the importance or personal significance of hours lost in a library, or the thrill of exploring and discovering the secrets of a city that may not excite anyone but myself.

I'll be back at home on Sunday, and I'm on the fence as to if I want to burrow back into Olympia and that life, or if I would prefer to shake it off, uproot and start anew. At the moment, so far from everything, I am tempted by the latter. I just finished reading Paul Auster's City Of Glass and was struck by how beautiful an oppurtunity it presents for shaking off the vestiges of your history and escaping life. I know I have a bad habit of blinding optimism in my interpretations, but I thought it showed less of a pitiful fall from grace and more of a rebirth. I might be a little starried- eyed from all those library hours.

my new old favorite food: the zucchini

Today I would like to speak of my current favorite vegetable, the Zucchini. Not simply delicious, but delightfully nutritious (see chart), I would like to share my favorite preparations for this charming vegetable.

1. Sneak them into pancakes. No one else will like them, but I think they are really really really really tasty.
2. steam them until they're about to fall apart and then dip them in a mixture of nutritional yeast and mustard. it helps if they're heavily salted before you steam them. also, my version of steaming is more like boiling, since i'm never quite sure where the steamer basket is.
3. grated and tossed with lemon juice and olive oil.
4. in ratatouille, along with over-cooked eggplant, another old favorite.
5. not with cheese, i always thought that was totally gross.

I'm leaving for Europe in //\\//THA-REE\\//\\ days!!! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW, gunna have such a crazy good time and overdraw my bank account. here is my packing list:

-toothbrush and paste
-hair tie and brush
-2 pairs of socks
-4 pairs of underwear
-3 tshirts and 1 tanktop (or similar combination)
-1 pair shorts
-1 pair pants
-1 sweatshirt or cardigan
-1 flannel shirt
-1 pair earplugs
-1 summer dress
-1 sleeping bag
-1 book (to be traded unpon completion for another english book)
-trillions of dollars, worth nothing at all in europe

later.

shit's fucked up

fun with face masks

today my ebay casette package came in the mail.

the jam peel sessions,
new york rockers comp (television, the dictators, bad brains, james chance, richard hell and more)
duck and cover sst comp
wipers silver sail
wire document and witness
wire 8 different versions of the drill



i'm listening to the jam right now. i'm gunna see if i can find a misfits cassette and someone to move into a railroad apartment with me. i found my copy of old fashioned recipe book: an encyclopedia of country living. it's got a recipe for cabbage bread, my heart is won. seriously the greatest.

ouch, i am feeling unhappy.

i like blogs about ebay

today was summer thanksgiving. i walked my bicycle home from work, sweating. i rode to the co-op and back, cooked tofurkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. food-specked cans rolling from the recycling pile only spoke to the help I recieved from campbells and generic brand french cut beans. we all agreed it was really tasty. jean and i broke up and i'm too young to not make wild mistakes. all i want to do is go out on dates, except all i really want to do is not go out on any dates. you can catch me at the ymca at 8:30am tomorrow morning. i'll be sweaty. jesus and mary chain tomorrow night, i just bought my ticket. chris'll be in seattle, maybe we can stay up all night drinking coffee and eating little donuts. i really hope so, i miss that guy.



//////3 WEEKS 'TIL EUROPEAN VACATOUR'08\\\\\\


i keep having crazy dreams, but none of them are sexy, they're all a little gloomy.

i've got a puppy share.

Tomorrow I will fly back to New York for a week. It was my last day working in the warehouse today, and I can't wait to come back to Olympia and spend my time away from work. I'd like make a huge jesus and mary chain painting. I'll sit outside reading books and drinking brass monkeys, talking on my cell phone and buying things on ebay. I will keep my room clean and do my laundry. I will ride my bicycle and wear shorts. I will be more fashion forward, and on a tight budget too!

I am excited about Community Print, I am excited about warm nights and barbeques, I am looking forward to summertime and not talking about relationships. I am thinking of chopping off all of my hair and wearing cut-off shorts. I have plans to write letters to people nearby. all I ever want to do is listen to jesus and mary chain cassettes and think about boys. both at once totally rules. I'm doing it right now.

today i watched Green Porno, and it is great. The Bee is my favorite.

here are more things I really love:






I'm quitting cereal and dairy again, forever this time.

you were right!!!!

also, check THIS out!

Was Aquaman always blonde? I remember an underwater superhero with dark hair and really high eyebrows. I'm going back to New York-Boston on may 31st. I'm having dramatic issues with my bike-- the sidewall on my front tire blew out and i haven't bought a new one. maybe i'll get one on ebay.