oh shit, my name is hannah and i am a girl in the world, growing out her hair, reading books and chilling out. yo, check this: how come all my friends can't live in the same place, i'm gunna write about THAT for national novel writing month. boom boom boom, happy halloween.

halloween is coming up. here are some costume ideas:

siouxsie sioux
a sick cat with a cone over its little head

today was one of those days when i missed being a smoker so terribly. all i wanted to do was casually chain smoke. goddamnit!!!!

tomorrow at 10:30am, i'm hangin up 218 old photographs at the capitol theatre. i'm supposed to hang up 250-300, but two of the rolls of film that i'd planned on developing got exposed to the ravages of the sun and totally perished. this has been a weird experience for me. my mom nicely went through my old bedroom and found all of the squirrel hoards of photos i'd buried over the years. i've been staring at these hundreds of photos a lot over this past week and it's starting to feel like the kind of nightmare intro from an old timey cartoon where you descend into a swirling maelstrom of cackling math teachers and bicycles (which reminds me, suddenly, that there weren't any pictures of cathal and my halloween costumes from 2006 or 2005, can't remember...whichever one where we were an owl and speed racer), except i'm stuck at the moment right before you touch down and the alternate dream narrative/hefelumps-and-woozles-song-and-dance-number kicks in. just staring at all of the ominous pieces of history without any of the in between moments to wind them together into any kind of thread-of-a-story.

so here's some stuff i've learned about this very particular documentation of my past:
-i often stick my finger in front of part of the lens
-we got wasted a lot in highschool
-i smoked like a chimney
-i took a lot of photos of my closest friends, many of whom i don't hang out with anymore....paola, ariel, cara...
-group shots are always really boring
-alexia is really funny
-i only have 10 friends

uuuhhhh, sorry i haven't scanned any of the good ones, so you'll just have to take my word for it, but i HAVE managed to have captured some pretty ok moments. not 218 of them, there's a lot of filler....but, whatever.

OH! also! i figured out a band that's from the last 10 years that i like that isn't from olympia, and it's the black lips. weird, huh?


OH! also also! here's a link to my flickr

stuff i'm really into right now

-chili bean paste
-hanging out by myself
-anti pasti
-looking through photos
-grace paley
-thinking about what kind of life i would be living if i sold all of my clothes and started grad school and learned spanish
-not looking at facebook right now
-playing apples to apples with buddies and realizing that i'm totally in line with the same freaky weirdness that we're all into
-miso soup
-tidying up the kitchen
-hoping i'll get something in the mail
-

stuff that's really bringing me down

-that i'm breaking out like a 15 year old
-my paycheck
-my wrist is fucked up from making kombucha and i can't really afford to quit
-facebook
-everyone's facebook updates
-the stuff people post on each others' facebook pages
-not being able to stop staring at facebook
-the united states government
-how i wish i wanted to go running today
-"my career"
-how come i never wanna party anymore!?!?!?!?!
-

i am feeling grumpier than ever and thinking about how nice it would be to fall in love and get the fuck out of olympia. i'm stuck in a worm hole where all i do is read comic books and go running and eat candy and wish things were different. there. a little insight into some seriously boring plod-of-time-shit to pour into the internet ether.

hi oliver! sorry, i guess this is a little gross, but i don't think anyone reads this blog but you. i miss you, brother. i kind of want to talk on the phone, but i'd much rather just hang out. how about you come and visit me again? we can climb mt. rainier or mt. st. helens if that'll get you here. or you could send me a letter.

i don't know where i'm expecting to get a ride to, but i've been checking the craiglist rideshare a few times a day as i do my embarrassing internet sweep of weird recipe blogs, pictures of shoes, youtube videos, missed connections and free stuff. I guess I've replaced new job and new house with getting the hell outta dodge.

i'm also on cup of coffee #2, and i can feel the nervousness setting in. i don't really have enough time to go running today, but i think i might have to if i can't shake this feeling (that i seriously brought on myself and am entirely responsible for). I've been running a lot recently, and my mornings have begun to follow this script:

SHE WAKES UP. SQUINTS AT CLOCK, CAN'T SEE IT THROUGH CLUTTER ON DESK, DOESN'T CARE. STARTS TO CARE, SITS UP IN BED TO SEE CLOCK, REALIZES THAT THERE'S NO STOPPING IT NOW AND SHE'S AWAKE. 7AM. LIES HEAD BACK DOWN AND STARES AT CLOCK FOR HALF AN HOUR. THEN,

(internally) hannah: i don't want to go running today. i don't need to. i can take a day off.

SHE THROWS OFF THE BLANKETS, LEAVING THEM CRUMPLED ON HER BED AS SHE GOES TO WASH HER FACE. FROM THERE, SHE HEADS TO THE KITCHEN WHERE SHE MAKES COFFEE. RETURNS TO THE BEDROOM WITH MUG AND SITS IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER TO READ BLOGS, FACEBOOK AND PLAY SCRABBLE (BADLY). FINISHES CUP OF COFFEE, BRIEFLY EXITS, RETURNS WITH FULL MUG.

HALFWAY THROUGH SECOND MUG,

(internally) hannah: oh no. i feel weird. i drank too much coffee. I've gotta go running. just a short run.

PUTS ON RUNNING CLOTHES AND SHOES, EXITS. RETURNS AN HOUR LATER, DRIPPING WITH SWEAT, HAVING RUN 6 MILES WITHOUT PLANNING ON IT AGAIN.





i've also expanded my dreamdate to include BOTH watching a meteor shower and eating sugar cereal, as opposed to the previous one or the other scenerio. gotta dream big to fall in LUV!

i started an etsy shop!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/totallydreaming


i swear it'll get better!