ceej is watchin' over

all I wanna do is get the fuck outta dodge.

game plan:
save money
learn to drive
leave

i'd go anywhere, where should i go?

things that don't actually distract you from heartbreak
-avoiding the completion of your graduate thesis.
-working on your graduate thesis.
-devouring news of human rights violations and governmental fraud and deceit to remind yourself that you're being selfish. god, that one is so fucked up and gross and twisted.
-looking at photos on social networking sites.
-not looking at photos on social networking sites, but remembering what they look like.
-wearing the same shirt that you've worn for the past four days, even though it smells terrible.


it does actually help to leave the house, exercise often, spend time with friends, go to sleep when you're tired, and oddly enough, talk about your feelings with everyone until you become a little desensitized to them.

psych. i feel sick to my stomach. maybe the only modern cure is to stay off the internet.

new mantra

one more month. maybe i won't find a job. who cares. i'll be done with school.

bye

Today is so sad and I can't get San Francisco off my mind. Tomorrow is Queer Rock Camp all week long. I've gotta pack. fuck.

I wanna dedicate this post to the person reading this blog who found it searching for "dog turd bud olympia." Runner up to "real fucking bummer," I think you'll find you've really got a home here. Thanks, google, for creepin' on people and telling me about it.

my only human interaction today lasted for less than a minute. I am finding the end of this semester to be deeply disturbing. 

and my eyes are tired.

The depths of my procrastination

I've spent the morning procrastinating from writing my thesis. Haven't watched a single youtube video. What I HAVE done is 1. compile a wishlist/reading list of books on America culture in the 1930s 2. Look up authors that I'm reading a lot of and see where the teach/ if they're chairing any graduate programs.

http://www.andrewroth.com/publications/killed-rejected-images-of-the-farm-security-administration/

my life is fucked.

just gotta purge it

Saturday to Saturday, I can safely say that this week fucking sucked. not every moment. not without moments of respite and relief, but it very fully and significantly was a real fucking bummer. I didn't cry, I didn't throw anything, or storm out of anywhere, or yell or shriek or howl, but I did feel: sad, insecure, scared, exhausted, overworked, disempowered, unprepared, misunderstood, lonely, isolated, boring, inarticulate, stupid, paralyzed, hopeless, and foolish.

a feeling's just a feeling, and i just feel that shit hard. this week is fucking over and good riddance.

new month, new marks.

9:30am: have had enough coffee to render myself incapable of complex thought, human interaction, or maintaining the dryness of my palms.


better blog about it!!!!