Bob

calder's (steamin')circus

lately: bowled over by waves of sentimental horseshit and nostalgia. spending money on books that make my heart seize up. listening to Alex Chilton and left of the dial on repeat. Gawd, I can barely even stand it! Spend a few days in Providence, totally into it. Don't have time to figure it out, gotta get to the farmers market

on one hand, i am staying up too late eating candy, and on the other hand, i am processing my past and future. i've been temping all week, stuffing envelopes and gossiping with the other temps. tonight, walking home, someone was playing sentimental spanish music really loudly and I thought about abandoned buildings and things that ended a long time ago and how i eat too much sugar. it was a pretty obvious sort of logic-- self involvement tinged with nostalgia and a touch of corny bullshit. still, it feels nice to walk home after an evening of sitting on the floor smoking cigarettes, eating and making plans. sometimes i feel like my whole entire life is a mess of plans that I use to comfort myself and shape my identity, but that never reach fruition. it's time to follow through, to realize these ideas and step out from the shadow of what could have been. it's a really good thing that i don't have a job, because i don't have enough time for anything. i wish that Pascale Boucicaut, Cole Callahan, Max Roseglass, Erika Rumbley, Mark Strain, Gina Sarti, Kennedy Holmes, Caroline Goldsmith, Ashley and Anjelica Freeman would call me up, send me letters and be around.

worth reading

i'm post-crush.

i have been thinking about how nice it would be to bake and sell cookies for extra money. I need to get better at gluten free baking, but i've got vegan and regz down pat. i'm looking at bulk supplies on dutchvalleyfoods.com. If someone happens to have some weird bulk flour hookup, lemme know?

i just finished reading salman rushdie's shame, released 2 years before I was born. i'm not feeling eloquent enough to express my opinion at the moment, so i won't.

new york city food cooperatives:

south bronx food coop
flatbush food coop
east 4th st. food coop
park slope food coop

otherwise, i am lonely and sad and perhaps it is because i need to eat better food and maybe go running a few times a week.

1. just made vegan rugelach for erika's going away party
2. all i do is listen to academy fight song

i'm not judging you, i'm judging me.

my sister told me a story today that almost made me cry. i've been feeling restless and unhealthy. there's a place where i can take yiddish lessons on monday nights, think i might do it! i talked to mark on the phone tonight and felt really homesick and lonely for olympia. I'm going to try to stop eating sugar again, it's making me crazy and i'm breaking out and my face is always puffy. it's so cold too. i want to fix up my room and fix up my mood and fix up the future.



ew, have you heard the REM cover of academy fight song? it's so horrible.



EXTREME TAKING-PHOTOS-OF-MYSELF-AT-MIDNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!
rules: lean as far back as possible and hit buttons with toes.

my brother sent me this photo of my grandma and uncle freddy

today i am going to make dried apricot jam, hopefully to be a part of some gluten-free gingersnap sort of things.

an i hate new york day

this morning I went to dreamland exhibit at the MoMA with Oliver. By the way (and Oliver, I

hope that this doesn't embarrass you), one of the things I love most in the world about my twin brother is hearing him play Benny and the Jets on the piano whenever we're at our parents house. Anyway, this dreamland exhibition was so rad. It was super small, which bummed me out a little-- I wanted it to be gigantic and lose-yourself expansive. It brought me back to the feeling I had the first time I looked through Delirious New York, realizing how mystical and magical an imagination of a city could really be. It was so different from any kind of urban theory I'd ever known before. I remembered that I bought Collage City by Colin Rowe and Fred Koetter right before I left Olympia, so I pulled it out from the jumbled mess of books I've got going, and that shit is tttiiiiiigghhhhttt! Here's some superstudio pictures from the internet:


ps: just to keep this thing legit, online journal style, I'm feeling super lonely and finicky today and I just can't seem to shake this crazy funk. Someone sent me flowers today , but I'm feeling too down and out to let my spirits get lifted. Sleep it off and be pumped tomorrow.

my library card from 3rd grade still works, i've spent the morning watching replacements videos on youtube and putting books and videos and cds on hold at the nypl. i set up my room yesterday. i've been writing letters. i'm going to a yoga class at 12:30.