i watched the holy mountain at 12:15 am with kendra. The latest I've been awake in months, unless you're counting vacation. I feel like possibilities are just pawing at the ground, lurking in the shadows of the near-future just out of sight, and i'm scrambling to draw them close and stare them down and see what they're made of, but they just scamper away the moment I brush up against them. I'm quitting my job to force them out from the dusk, to shine a spotlight into the corners and give myself to potential.

I'm moving into the houseboat TODAY!

no sleep in brooklyn

oh gawd, i can't listen to the replacements if i'm trying to fend off worry and an aching heart.

so I was just having a conversation with a person in my bedroom and as I sat leaning on the edge of my bed, talking about tarot and mysticism, trying to articulate my thoughts on how we process our worries and concerns, I had the uncanny feeling (and it was certainly a feeling, not a thought) that I didn't exist outside of my voice and body. My thoughts and ideas were only real as I heard myself speak them aloud, and that I was completely and totally alone, inside myself. I've never, not even once in my life, had this feeling before, and I know this because it was wholly shocking and unfamiliar. The closest I've come is the feeling I often had, when I was younger, that I was desperately afraid of growing old and dying. I felt as though when that person left the room, I would be lost and untethered and floating. It was like emotional vertigo, and I'm all shook up.

two feelins and a troof

1. i'm moving onto a houseboat.
20. i'm so tired all the time i don't see the point of working so much other than this nagging sense of obligation.
54. i am feeling super burned out, i'm bogging in the deets.


extra: don't wanna be a girlfiend and i don't watch tv shows.

cold chili

me and my new best friend, blair's pregnant cat, are having some quality hang out time near the computer.

i'm taking a break from taco-blogging to point out that hugh grant is (kind of) a dead ringer for a young andrew jackson.


my taco-blogging is gunna move outta town, to a new spot at http://tacosummer.blogspot.com/

the neverending taco

well gosh, i'm really falling off this taco wagon. taco truck.



these are my taco stories these past days:
july 6th: too late taco night. i almost lost hope and bought a plane ticket instead. roommate came home as promised, later than expected, but the damage was done and i was feelin' all anxious and angry. picked some little fights over bean tacos with mango salsa and leftovers from grub. felt like a jerk and slept fitfully after eating too much sugar.

july 7th: worked my 14 hour day, returned home on bicycle, failing in my pectin-procurement mission. no red currant jelly yet. as i rode my bike down st. marks st. sans mes mains, i decided that my tacos would be tempeh with squash and onions. they were delicious.

by the way, i know that this must be so boring to read. a food blog with no pictures and some pretty bland meal descriptions, more than spattered with(practically obscured by!!) inane anecdotes and tangential thoughts. luckily, this particular blog all but exists in a vacuum, so i'm not feelin' too guilty. maybe i will start drawing pictures of my tacos, or eating in front of the computer. you know, for visual interest.

i'm too sleepy to really talk about tacos, butttt

july 4th: independence taco: eaten alone at home. tofu, tomato, avacado
july 5th: breakfast taco: eggs as tortillas with avacado and greens inside.

my tacos will get alot better, as i brought home some salsa from grub. i also found a spot on myrtle ave that's got mexican grocery stuff up front and a restaurant in back. gunna go! (i might go to my brothers in dirty jerz on tuesday night. fun?!)

taco day 3
worked late and didn't eat dinner til 9pm. made myself a tofu and zucchini taco with watercress. total hippy fest. now i'm super tired.