I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL!!!!

ok. tomorrow i will try harder to not feel crushed out for no reason and look at someones facebook page a ton.

I spent the entire month of february in central america and damn, that ruled. i wrote some letters that i didn't send until i got home, i took some photos, mostly of one basketball game in guatemala and i bought some things and ate a lot of cookies! met some rad people and learned some spanish, was very independent and read books like a maniac. i did not put sunscreen on, quietly hoping for a little tan, and i got one.

i came home and worked speedily to set up psychic sister, the freshest vintage clothing store in olympia, wa. i started running again, except for the day after i got so drunk and smoked so may cigarettes and had difficulty dragging myself out of bed before noon. i stopped working at magic kombucha and started working at psychic sister. i worked on my graduate school application, had some social panic about it and cried a bit by myself, then bought a train ticket to portland to hand it in in person, which is what i did all day yesterday. amtrak is way nicer than greyhound, and now that i'm a boring adult, i can appreciate the pleasures of legroom and a viewing car with big windows more than the pleasures of hanging out with other weirdos on the run.

i didn't clean my room for 2 weeks and my brother's been really sick so i've spent most of my free time worrying about ollie or watching the simpsons.


here's my diary entry from my first day in guatemala. i wrote on everyday.

"Feb 2nd: I've made it! Sitting inbed right now, at Evan and Brightons house after a long day of traveling. Took a red eye last night, landed in Mexico city and the lines were so long through Customs! Thought that i would miss my flight! made it w/a few moments to spare but got confused and had to give up my facewash cause i didnt check my bag. Landed in guatemala city at 8:30am and took a taxi to the bus station, then read in the waiting room for 1 hour, got on the Alamo bus to Xela and 4 hours later, I arrived and Evan picked me up! Thank god for Patti Smith's book! What a page turner! So much better than I thought it would be!
Evan and I walked around and went to the markets...so cool! I'd left my wallet at home, looking forward to going back with it. Really excited to learn Spanish, feeling very embarrassed by not being able to understad what people are saying to me.
It definetly makes such a nice change to stay with friends at the start of a long trip-- feel so welcome and happy to be here. Had the nicest long walk around town and feeling a bit blah, but not as bad as Brighton and Evan, who both have some kind of stomach bug,
We made a blackberry crumble and it was very tart. Looking forward to waking up tomorrow, drinking some coffee, reading and exploring some more. Gunna read myself to sleep now!"


tada! BOOORRRRINNNG!

I am holed up in a hotel room in mexico city, eating pastries, drinking beer and watching the simpsons on my cell phone.

boom boom boom, just like THAT i'm off to central america for a month tomorrow. gunna go to language school, then travel around. got my packing done and my room clean!

2011, living in the past....just for a sec.

i just sent off a 2011 list to tobi, for jigsaw. I'd already been hitting the coffee pretty seriously by the time it was finished, and found myself thrown deep down the nostalgia rabbit hole that i kind of spend most of my time teetering on the brink of. so, i the spirit of self indulgence, which, as far as i can tell, is the spirit of blogging itself, here is my extended list of the shit that made 2011 a seriously intense and amazing year:

Going through a gnarly breakup: I quit my job, I moved out of my apartment, I started seeing a therapist, I spent a lot of time staring at the ceiling from the futon. I realized how it felt to have boundaries crossed and manipulated. I noticed my own shitty patterns. I walked out of a tornado and a year later, I can barely make out what happened. Maybe I don't ever want to go through that again, but at least I came out the other end.

Crude Thought and Hysterics- They rule. These are my two favorite bands to see live.

12:01 January 1st, 2011 at Dumpster Values- i think this charmed my whole year. So many lady drummers working this amazing sound. So cool to feel like the new year was coming in on some kind of positive, powerful wave. I went home after this and puked. At the time, I didn't feel so great about that, but maybe with a year between us, I can look back more fondly and see it as some kind of gross and positive omen.

azealia banks' "212"- this song got stuck in my brain and all i wanted to do was listen to it over and over again. it seemed to me that every time it was reviewed or mentioned, folks were seriously hung up on how raunchy it was. it doesn't seem that raunchy to me, but maybe just because i've listened to it a thousand times? (I guess, no more or less raunchy than anything else). this was the song that warmed me to people when they liked it, and cooled me to people when they just didn't get it.

the nuts release party- everyone put this show on their list because it was a seriously magical day. my favorite part was being there early, seeing all of these people visiting from out of town while all the kids were running around and playing in the space with the sun shining and bands starting to play. reading everyone elses' descriptions of the night, i feel a little square, but that was the part that made me feel so happy-- watching people trickle in and out as the crowd slowly grew, hanging out with buddies, children and grown ups and everyone really stoked to be there. also, i feel like a square a lot of the time, but whatever, i'm my own little weirdo, and i live my life differently than other people and they than mine, and i-t-s-n-o-t-a-b-i-g-d-e-a-l-!

the CLPP (Civil Liberties and Public Policy) conference at Hampshire College- I was able to go to this conference while I was on the East Coast this past April, and it totally blew my mind. So many people gathered together to fight for reproductive justice, it was so empowering and exciting. The panels and workshops were all super exciting and informative, but the closing plenary was seriously electric-- academics and activists were standing up in their seats to chime into a discussion that exploded into something beyond what I could have ever imagined possible. The auditorium was completely packed with people, and what had been presented as a panel discussion totally morphed into this amazing and totally positive and excited and deeply important talk on race, gender, sexuality, privilege and oppression... it felt so wonderful to be in a space and see this conversation modeled in such an inclusive and responsible way, to be surrounded by so many strong and brilliant people.

The end of the Red House- fuck, this could have been such a bummer. It's pretty miserable to walk by the house now and see it looking so sad with it's salmon-pukey paint and nothing going on. hanging out with gina and joey by the paddling pool and yardsale, walking up to the house with everyone milling around i the sun...I wish I could burn that days' feelings into my mind, so even if I somehow forget how much that house and the people who lived in it shaped my life in this town, i'll at least have some shock waves to lug around with me. Damn, that house was one of my favorite places in the world. drinking old english on the roof with marty, sleeping in april's bed, hanging out on the couch, shows in the basement, talking about boys with gina, cooking dinner and trying to find a clean dish....

Love and Rockets- I know this is absolutely not specific to 2011, but I spent a while this autumn tuned out from the rest of the world, drinking coffee and reading Locas. I guess if this is on the list, I've got to round it out with everything else that made me feel sentimental/nostalgic/unstoppable:
Erick Lyle's "on the lower frequencies"
Al burien's "Things are meaning less"
Trini Dalton's "Wide eyed"
this zine called "riding freight trains across the country is not the only way to risk everything with your friends"

Mother News and Doris- talking about tiny ponies with friends everywhere who've all read that issue of doris has made with world feel a little more connected. I am always so stoked to get the new issue of mother news in the mail and find batman and feel so relieved that this is out there.

rotating house game night - thanks to ben russel, lucy and chris and others for helping make this autumn and winter more bearable. i love playing apples to apples with people who hate the policestate.

wugazi- have you heard this? my friend danielle's date showed it to us while we were all hanging out, talking about woowoo vibes in the pacific northwest. My favorite tangent of 2011.

Gina's "Shit's fucked" zine- this might be the best zine I've read this year. So simple and so helpful (especially in the sense that when I read it, I feel like I'm sitting in the same room as my long-lost, gone-to-california buddy). This is some real talk self help.

Running with my mom- I wish I could have done this earlier, when my mom could still run further, but I didn't, so that's that and this is wonderful. I love visiting my family and going on runs around New York with my mom. She's got so many years of experience finding funny little routes and I love chatting with her as we go.

Easter Weekend- Blair, Caroline and Kendra made this one of the most memorable buddy hangouts of my whole life. Seriously the best day ever.

I guess there's probably more, but here are some of the things that I wanna take care of in 2012..

-I'd like to set myself a running goal. I was thinking 1000 miles in 2012, but maybe that's pushing it? 20 miles a week? I can do it. there we go. 1000 miles in 2012!!!

-I'm going to take better care of my time. I'm sick of feeling drained and overworked. Fuck that, I'm working food service and it isn't worth it. I want to go back to school in September and live my life for myself.

-I'll think of more later

--oh, i just did! I'm gunna write better letters this year!




you got anything? does anyone read this? what are you going to do next year? what ruled so hard this past year? when was the last time you brushed your teeth? I JUST WANNA KNOW WHATS UP!???!?!?

when i was a freshman in college i lent this guy i was crushing on a copy of things are meaning less. what's up with how little my cultural worldview has changed that i'm still referencing the same shit that blew my mind when i was 17? why can't i just do my laundry and get a job in publishing or something. date a 40 year old who's a lot smarter than i am. ai, i wanna live in a city.

can you play this song at my funeral?

so, in february i'll be going down to Guatemala to study Spanish at the PLQE mountain school. I'm going to meet my dad in Mexico and hang tuff with pops for a week before coming home. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get from Xela to Mexico City, and where I should stop on the way.