some days are like today, when you want to be by yourself. some days are like today, when you want make the right lists. some days are like today, when you want to forget your age.

christmas sucks

just some more thinking about myself

I've never dropped out of school. When I graduated highschool, I felt as if I had ripped the possibility of true rebellion from my sense of self. I didn't feel the same way about college, not really.

I've always thought of myself as sentimental. I like movies where people fall in love. I like books where the protagonist has a charming way of looking at the world. I love a ballad.

I know that I'm a bit of an idiot sometimes, that I get shy, that conflict totally freaks me out. I know that I like having fun in my way, that I like spending time by myself.


These are some things that feel really important this morning. They are things that don't feel very solid right now, truths that I'm calling into question, pieces of my identity that feel shiftier than normal.

New York on friday, thank god. I'm exhausted and my eyes and hips ache, but not in a sexy way, in a rickety old age sort of way.

my birthday

Years are a funny thing-- they throw up such scraggly fences in your memory. Everything bleeds together anyway, but I don't know how it all slips away like this. Nothing that I remember seems so long ago, and I have no fucking idea how I've lived on the west coast for so long. Someone get me home!!

On my birthday, which was yesterday, I danced a little bit, I talked a lot of shit, I drank some drinks and I rolled my eyes. Doesn't seem that different, but it also really does.

i am reading at the iprc on friday.