when I graduate I would like to go on a grand tour, visiting everyone I haven't seen this year. caution and money to the wind. massachusetts, san francisco, panama, england, india, new york. There. I said it, now I can go to school and present my my research.

A new library

Today, I discovered the library at the University a BLOCK from my house. Goodbye, coffeeshops. This is the greatest discovery I may have ever made. There are couches, tables and three floors. I will never try to work at school again, this place is a fucking HEAVEN.

I also found my soulmate, this is him: 

I really want facebook to stop telling me when people get engaged. It's fucking with my head.

Perfect morning

I spent the morning reading Vanessa Davis' Make Me a Woman and it's fucking amazing! I checked it out of the North Portland library the other day when I was picking up books to cram for the Graham Harman lecture that happened at school last night. My favorite part about the public library is the graphic novels section. That's where I found Special Exits, at the Lacey Library when I was living in Olympia.

Make Me a Woman is a bunch of diary comics, a lot of them are set in New York, some in Florida, some in California....Alexis, I think you'd really love them....they're about being jewish and they're so funny.


I also painted my nasty little claws.

Paid my tuition.
In it for another goddamned semester.
Administrators think I'm an undergrad, always.
My hair is turning grey.

The best part about having recurring nightmares about someone fucking with my bike is that I wake up and it was a dream. The worst part is exploring the myriad ways that my dream self can experience devastation and anger. It's different every time.

How could you not LOVE THIS?!?!

"If the demand for theory was, in Iris Murdoch's words, a cry for a house that could provide shelter from empiricism, it was also a political demand born of the realization that theories are never politically innocent. They express political prejudices and reproduce them, even when they deny it. To reveal those prejudices in order to neutralize them was the great ambition of the Frankfurt school, of the Barthes who unmasked 'mythologies' with such sardonic glee, and of the feminist critics and historians who refused to go on being hidden from history."

-- David Macey, from The Penguin dictionary of critical theory. 

last night i dreamt that I fell in love.

that moment when you realize you're $1 short for bus fair tomorrow morning and it's too cold to go out to an atm, so you just hope it'll work out.

(it worked out! GOTTA KEEP POSI KEEP POSI KEEP POSI! gotta write a song called 'postmodern pot party'! Gotta apply for jobs and shit that makes me feel like I can drop out of school if I wanna!)

goodbye 2012

I've spent the last few months hating on this year, wishing it were over. I'm glad it's over, and I'm glad it happened. This year was hard, but every year is hard. This was the first year that passed without heartbreak. It was a year of heavy introspection and personal shit. It was the first year that I felt adult. It was a year of feeling lonely and disconnected, of feeling like I was on the other side of something. This year, I applied to grad school, was accepted and moved to Portland to attend school. I traveled by myself through Central America. I made out with one person. I cooked at Queer Rock Camp and played in a band at Queer Adult Rock Camp. I've felt ecstatically happy and horrendously sad. This past year began on a good note and ended on a good note, though the last six months have been challenging and miserable.

This coming year, I hope to make out with more than one person, to graduate or drop out, to go somewhere warm and to be somewhat positive.