Tuesday, December 1, 2009

That girl be glowing through town

My plan for the winter was to hole up in my blanket fort bedroom, getting stoned and watching john waters movies. all i'http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifve been doing is drinking coffee, eating junky health food and listening to my pixie's bossanova cassette over and over again. wacky winter.

my family before me. serious glossing going on.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

last night I dreamed that I was being told I talk about myself too much.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Now I live in Olympia, WA. Here is me and the fridge.

Things are ok!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

My imaginary life in Iowa Cityhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

I'll wake up in the morning in my Spacious one-bedroom apartment. I'll ride my bike over to volunteer at the Museum of Natural History before my classes. I'll be working towards my Masters in Library and Information Science, with a Certificate in Book Arts. I plan to take some sexuality studies clashttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifses as well.

when I have some spare time, I will play with my pet goat. I won't have a lot of free time, though, as I will be so busy with my radio show on Radio Iowa City, my community garden plot, my part time job, my band, maintaining the newly established doily museum, learning to drive my awesome car, and making out with my boyfriend.

I'll eat dinner here and shop here. I'll pick up my birth control here

Sunday, November 1, 2009

(from when I was in Berlin)

(from koepi)

(from flickr)

(from forward youth)

(from portland indymedia)

Last night, I dreampt of the most beautiful squat. I watched the crusty guy step out of a shuttered building and open up the storefront with a metal pole. Then he uncovered every window, going higher and higher to the 3rd and 4th stories. There were folks leaning out the windows, yelling to one another. There was a dolphin on the 2nd floor and papercraft spilling out of the building in all sorts of colors.

Yesterday was my kind-of lst day of work, for Albert at least. I've got a shift on tuesday and that's the end. I bet I start liking New York a lot more without the hell-schedule.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

bang on

hi kendra!

last of the druids

seeing your soul in photographs

the past few nights have been full of crazy dreams, all anxiety and worry and fears leaking out and soaking into every dream-spot. last night was imagined disco balls spilling light and sound and video across rooms and walls and faces, such a change from rejection and disappointment ballooning out of control and ruining any hope for restful sleep. It's so different to wake up awake. I'm escaping New York on November 14th, back to Olympia for however long. I've got an idea of what's out there and I'm ok with it. I feel like molasses and roofing tar and toothpaste and I want to be alone and listen to the Clash and The Breeders and Brian Eno. SO THERE!

Monday, October 26, 2009

the best thing i ever wrote

[26 Feb 2007|12:29am]
today i felt used up and out of touch. i like riding my bike in the snow. i like the sound of snowflakes hitting trees, and the way it coats my tires when i ride through drifts. i do that on purpose, even though it's not a very good idea. it's satisfying. this summer we're going to ragtag around and get drunk in the woods with our sun-kissed faces and skinned knees and grass-stained bike-chained shins. maybe it's not true at all, but it's the calming sort of open-invitation that lets me sleep at night. i want the world to be a better place than i think it is, and I want to be in it or above it, but not dragged through it. of course it won't happen, because growing up kills that sort of thing, and thinking about beauty and good looks and adulthood hurts something in me. i take it all too seriously.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


I'm feeling mightily panicked, tomorrow I'm supposed to hang out with my mom, but I think I might dick out and reread Things are Meaning less before I go out to the movies and watch Stranger than Paradise at BAM.

Drop out, I wanna join a gym and listen to the Cramps every moment of every day.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

i watched the holy mountain at 12:15 am with kendra. The latest I've been awake in months, unless you're counting vacation. I feel like possibilities are just pawing at the ground, lurking in the shadows of the near-future just out of sight, and i'm scrambling to draw them close and stare them down and see what they're made of, but they just scamper away the moment I brush up against them. I'm quitting my job to force them out from the dusk, to shine a spotlight into the corners and give myself to potential.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

no sleep in brooklyn

oh gawd, i can't listen to the replacements if i'm trying to fend off worry and an aching heart.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

so I was just having a conversation with a person in my bedroom and as I sat leaning on the edge of my bed, talking about tarot and mysticism, trying to articulate my thoughts on how we process our worries and concerns, I had the uncanny feeling (and it was certainly a feeling, not a thought) that I didn't exist outside of my voice and body. My thoughts and ideas were only real as I heard myself speak them aloud, and that I was completely and totally alone, inside myself. I've never, not even once in my life, had this feeling before, and I know this because it was wholly shocking and unfamiliar. The closest I've come is the feeling I often had, when I was younger, that I was desperately afraid of growing old and dying. I felt as though when that person left the room, I would be lost and untethered and floating. It was like emotional vertigo, and I'm all shook up.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

two feelins and a troof

1. i'm moving onto a houseboat.
20. i'm so tired all the time i don't see the point of working so much other than this nagging sense of obligation.
54. i am feeling super burned out, i'm bogging in the deets.

extra: don't wanna be a girlfiend and i don't watch tv shows.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

cold chili

me and my new best friend, blair's pregnant cat, are having some quality hang out time near the computer.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

i'm taking a break from taco-blogging to point out that hugh grant is (kind of) a dead ringer for a young andrew jackson.

my taco-blogging is gunna move outta town, to a new spot at http://tacosummer.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

the neverending taco

well gosh, i'm really falling off this taco wagon. taco truck.

these are my taco stories these past days:
july 6th: too late taco night. i almost lost hope and bought a plane ticket instead. roommate came home as promised, later than expected, but the damage was done and i was feelin' all anxious and angry. picked some little fights over bean tacos with mango salsa and leftovers from grub. felt like a jerk and slept fitfully after eating too much sugar.

july 7th: worked my 14 hour day, returned home on bicycle, failing in my pectin-procurement mission. no red currant jelly yet. as i rode my bike down st. marks st. sans mes mains, i decided that my tacos would be tempeh with squash and onions. they were delicious.

by the way, i know that this must be so boring to read. a food blog with no pictures and some pretty bland meal descriptions, more than spattered with(practically obscured by!!) inane anecdotes and tangential thoughts. luckily, this particular blog all but exists in a vacuum, so i'm not feelin' too guilty. maybe i will start drawing pictures of my tacos, or eating in front of the computer. you know, for visual interest.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

i'm too sleepy to really talk about tacos, butttt

july 4th: independence taco: eaten alone at home. tofu, tomato, avacado
july 5th: breakfast taco: eggs as tortillas with avacado and greens inside.

my tacos will get alot better, as i brought home some salsa from grub. i also found a spot on myrtle ave that's got mexican grocery stuff up front and a restaurant in back. gunna go! (i might go to my brothers in dirty jerz on tuesday night. fun?!)

Friday, July 3, 2009

taco day 3
worked late and didn't eat dinner til 9pm. made myself a tofu and zucchini taco with watercress. total hippy fest. now i'm super tired.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

day two of my self-imposed taco challange

july is tacos-everyday-month.

day 1.
frustrated dinner of one taco, mushroom with salsa and avacado from a mexican restaurant somewhere in crown heights. it was very tasty, but the experience was tarnished by anxiety about being the only person not drinking and also being too tired and eating too late with too many people around.

day 2.
shitty lunch at chipotle in the middle of an insane torrential downpour. chipotle sucks and the only way to make it better is with a lot of hotsauce. also, they don't have corn tortillas for tacos????? bummer, man. whatever, it's a taco and as i'm only too days in, I don't think i've got much to complain about. maybe i'll eat tacos for dinner too!

stay tuned for 28 more taco stories...

Friday, June 26, 2009

some of my major interests at the moment:

rude interviews on television

indie rock bands from the 1980s and 1990s reuniting!!!

moving into a different apartment

why is it always raining?

i love craigslist, pt. II

new york craigslist > brooklyn > domestic gigs
please flag with care:

best of craigslist
"Goth" style living room needed for feature film ($$ for you)
Reply to: gigs-v6y8c-1239632108@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-06-25, 5:00PM EDT

We are a small brooklyn production company making a feature film. We need to shoot a very short scene in a "goth" style living room. It would be great if your walls were purple, red, or black. $200 for a half day. Reply if you are interested!

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $200

PostingID: 1239632108

* Copyright © 2009 craigslist, inc.
* terms of use
* privacy policy
* feedback forum

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Photographer: Hannah Horovitz Date: 2009-06-18
Description: Joey Casio and Leah Cipolla from The Vibrarians.
Artist(s): - The Vibrarians - Joey Casio

i miss olympia again.

Friday, June 5, 2009

from kennedy

1. What is your current obsession? messthetics comps and eating too much sugar

2. What is your weirdest obsession? my own creative output, the jesus and mary chain

3. What do you see outside your window? dog shit

4. What is your favourite colour? green

5. What is your weakness? feeling unhappy

6. What animal would you be? a hedgehog or a flamingo

7. What would you like to learn how to do? build more things

8. What do you want to never happen in life? I don't want to live a life apart from people i care about.

9. What is on your bedside table? a lot of mugs, some money, a handkerchief,

10. What's the last thing you bought? beer

11. What do you think about the person that tagged you? i think kennedy's fantastic. let's be penpals again.

12. What was your favourite children's book? black beauty, the castle in the attic, the little princess

13. Who do you want to meet in person? yoko ono

14. What did you want to be as a child? a major league pitcher, a marine biologist, an artist

15. What did you dream about last night? i don't remember already.

16. Which do you prefer, day or night? forever daytime

17. What's your favourite piece of clothing in your closet? my weird cotton snoopy-runaway shirt

18. What's your plan for tomorrow? i'll work during the day, bike to university of trash, then go to a party

19. What would you like to get your hands on right now? an immediate escape

20. What is your must have of the moment? a bigger window

21. What's your favourite tea flavour?

22. If you could go anywhere is the world right now, where would you go? olympia

oh. i gotta tag people. ryan and joe? does anyone even read this thing?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

something i wrote in february of 2007, and right now i feel alone.

i like riding my bike in the snow. i like the sound of snowflakes hitting trees, and the way it coats my tires when i ride through drifts. i do that on purpose, even though it's not a very good idea. it's satisfying. this summer we're going to ragtag around and get drunk in the woods with our sun-kissed faces and skinned knees and grass-stained bike-chained shins. maybe it's not true at all, but it's the calming sort of open-invitation that lets me sleep at night. i want the world to be a better place than i think it is, and I want to be in it or above it, but not dragged through it. of course it won't happen, because growing up kills that sort of thing, and thinking about beauty and good looks and adulthood hurts something in me. i take it all too seriously.


6 months ago, i was dating a person i didn't love. i'm still feeling horrible about a thing that ended a year ago. or more. i hate that my mind is full of failed romance and i can't break out of myself and move past my own hurt. summer's here and i'm not in it.

Friday, May 29, 2009

the truth i've seen in the world, through my very own eyes and no one elses.

1. haiku for my neighbors
will you please pick up
the dog shit by my window
it stinks in the rain

2. the correlation between my misery and the frequency of checking my voicemail is insubstantial and false. at the best of times, i'm bad at it, and right now i'm miserable.

3. i'm also passive aggressive.

4. our whole lives are a struggle, we've gotta love the way we struggle, and accept that sometimes the struggle itself is the entire experience. we've gotta remember that someone will always disagree, and be struggling for something different.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

i woke up at 8:30 and read . then i planted in the garden, then i went to a hare krishna temple for lunch. then i sat in bergen street comics and read jeffrey brown and fantagraphics comics for a few hours. then i came home and i've been snacking and watching fishing with john for the last couple of hours. i discovered that we have a mouse. yesterday i painted my bathroom with chalkboard paint, the 2nd coat while i was slightly intoxicated and certainly exhausted. it's a little sloppy.

I wanna have crushes on boys, dunno who to crush out on. don't hang out with anyone really. i think it's just the graphic novels talking. i think it's just the new york city talking. i think it's the lonely bikerides talking. there's no way it could be me talking, because i don't wanna date cute boys or ever have fun or exciting times. at some point i've gotta own up to romance cravings. the internet seems like a good place to start.

i've had about 6 cups of coffee today.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

i love craigslist.

Free cats rescued from a satanic cult leader (nyc)
Reply to: sale-fenjm-1127752911@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-17, 10:24PM EDT

You can have the kitty beds , food, litter huge new bags full . The two cats are clean and beautiful. This lady's brother just dropped them off here before she did something bad to them. Sadly, I'm moving and can't take them.

* Location: nyc
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1127752911

Thursday, April 16, 2009

booking at trip to olympia for june 9th through june 19th. i've been feeling overwhelmed and overworked recently. i've got a job that i'll be starting on sunday, selling essential oils at brooklyn flea. Warm weather, I want you. I spend so much time by myself and I like it that way, mostly.


Marble Rye
Queen's Park Swizzle
Mint Julep
Garden Party
Limoncello Spritzer

just imagine everything with club soda and ice and a pair of old shorts and that's what i want. camping on the weekends, late night bike rides, i love it.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

calder's (steamin')circus

lately: bowled over by waves of sentimental horseshit and nostalgia. spending money on books that make my heart seize up. listening to Alex Chilton and left of the dial on repeat. Gawd, I can barely even stand it! Spend a few days in Providence, totally into it. Don't have time to figure it out, gotta get to the farmers market

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

on one hand, i am staying up too late eating candy, and on the other hand, i am processing my past and future. i've been temping all week, stuffing envelopes and gossiping with the other temps. tonight, walking home, someone was playing sentimental spanish music really loudly and I thought about abandoned buildings and things that ended a long time ago and how i eat too much sugar. it was a pretty obvious sort of logic-- self involvement tinged with nostalgia and a touch of corny bullshit. still, it feels nice to walk home after an evening of sitting on the floor smoking cigarettes, eating and making plans. sometimes i feel like my whole entire life is a mess of plans that I use to comfort myself and shape my identity, but that never reach fruition. it's time to follow through, to realize these ideas and step out from the shadow of what could have been. it's a really good thing that i don't have a job, because i don't have enough time for anything. i wish that Pascale Boucicaut, Cole Callahan, Max Roseglass, Erika Rumbley, Mark Strain, Gina Sarti, Kennedy Holmes, Caroline Goldsmith, Ashley and Anjelica Freeman would call me up, send me letters and be around.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

i have been thinking about how nice it would be to bake and sell cookies for extra money. I need to get better at gluten free baking, but i've got vegan and regz down pat. i'm looking at bulk supplies on dutchvalleyfoods.com. If someone happens to have some weird bulk flour hookup, lemme know?

i just finished reading salman rushdie's shame, released 2 years before I was born. i'm not feeling eloquent enough to express my opinion at the moment, so i won't.

new york city food cooperatives:

south bronx food coop
flatbush food coop
east 4th st. food coop
park slope food coop

otherwise, i am lonely and sad and perhaps it is because i need to eat better food and maybe go running a few times a week.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

1. just made vegan rugelach for erika's going away party
2. all i do is listen to academy fight song

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

i'm not judging you, i'm judging me.

my sister told me a story today that almost made me cry. i've been feeling restless and unhealthy. there's a place where i can take yiddish lessons on monday nights, think i might do it! i talked to mark on the phone tonight and felt really homesick and lonely for olympia. I'm going to try to stop eating sugar again, it's making me crazy and i'm breaking out and my face is always puffy. it's so cold too. i want to fix up my room and fix up my mood and fix up the future.

ew, have you heard the REM cover of academy fight song? it's so horrible.

rules: lean as far back as possible and hit buttons with toes.