I can't conjure up a memory of how it feels to be in a romantic relationship with someone who loves me back. I remember feeling happy and very blissed out, but only in words-- I can't recall the physical memory one bit. It's both a wonderful and terrifying realization-- it's a pleasant feeling to be alone AND not searching or yearning, and it's confusing to still feel some sort of weird undirected romantic drive. Crushes without context.