ultimate hater

dreams dreams dreams

Seeking benefactor to hunt down this Wacky Wacko sweatshirt in my size (S) and buy it for me for my birthday.

This blog is full of unpublished poetry that you're never going to read. Down to the last measly line, it's all absolutely bewitching.

bummer city

How many times have you stumbled upon the resolutions you made to stop doing what you're doing with your life? After all these years, I'll still eat chips and cold miso soup for dinner, standing alone in the kitchen at dusk with the lights off and the fridge open. I'll still answer the phone when I know it's my father calling, and I won't hang up until it's too late to salvage the day. I'll still put off laundry 'til two weeks from the the last time I put off laundry. I'll still wipe off my lipstick before I leave the house, and feel better that way

Blind dates, working in food service, and confusing infatuations: lessons never learned.

STRENGTH FROM THE TEARS OF SAD MEN

There is an extra special nasty little place in hell for my landlord in particular.

July 16-- hard day.

me and lil' martin

I can't conjure up a memory of how it feels to be in a romantic relationship with someone who loves me back. I remember feeling happy and very blissed out, but only in words-- I can't recall the physical memory one bit. It's both a wonderful and terrifying realization-- it's a pleasant feeling to be alone AND not searching or yearning, and it's confusing to still feel some sort of weird undirected romantic drive. Crushes without context.

BARF

It's a mud mask and tooth pain kinda night, in a driving test and GRE prep kinda summer.

I am so happy to be in Seattle for Queer Rock Camp, I love it so much, I never want to go home.

dear video diary

these feelings don't age.

the next installment of lesbian infatuations...

I'm reading Zami: A New Spelling of my Name, by Audre Lord, and it's painful to put it down to continue the rest of my life. She's writing about the neighborhood I grew up in, too, and it just slathers on another layer of longing and nostalgia. I'm trying to ration the pages so I don't blow through it too quickly, but it's a challenge to not just churn through it all at once. Thank god for books and stories and writers who've lived their lives.

Creep it out, Creep it out, Creep it out, Creep it out

The weirdest thing about having a blog that no one reads is that it still gets all these page views. I know, because the internet is just a big spying machine, and almost 100 people in switzerland looked at it yesterday. using linux, according to google. What does that even MEAN?

also, the thing I am mostly stoked on right now is the reading for the class I'm taking on settler colonialism. It's hard to feel really busy and I've been canceling all my plans to make sure that I can finish the projects I've committed to and even then there aren't enough days in the week. I've been running further again, and I love running so much and I love trail running most of all. I didn't shower after work and my hair smells like pizza.

wake up anxious.

My love affair with tea is going really well.

chain mail

email me: totallydreaming@gmail.com