today ruled. went on a run, dug a new garden bed and then sat on the porch reading ariel schrag 'cause i thought i was gunna feel too stupid trying to power on through the trillion page spivak book. lisa called, so i went and sat at the coffee shop next to the drum shop and waited for her to finish teaching. i think the hardest part of the spivak book is the introduction, or else, the first chapter feels way more accessible, thank god. the introduction left me feeling so defeated.
kevin and i hung out yesterday and went and saw 'being john malcovich' at the academy theater. it felt really good to bike out to 82nd. It's nice to see the neighborhoods shift. I like the area around 52nd a lot. nice houses. Kevin was talking about moving away, which I would fucking do if I hadn't just moved here, but still made me sad 'cause i was stoked to hang out with him in portland, but i didn't say anything. (it's ok to talk about real people in a blog, right? 'cause barely anyone reads this?)
allie told me she thinks i've got my shit together, which is the second time someones said that and i've been shocked. maybe my standards are fucked, or maybe i keep it together more than i think i do, but i am completely at a loss for what the fuck i'm doing. when kevin asked what i was going to study yesterday i started talking, and then couldn't stop, even though i wasn't making sense....it was seriously straight out of junior high, where you hope to god that if you just bullshit enough something will make sense. except i was trying to talk about something i care about, and just listened to complete nonsense spewing out of my face.
i also started writing my loneliness zine, which i think will be offered in installments.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
...offering things in installments helps me feel like the past is not dead. hear, hear to that! as for the loneliness, and/or lack of shit being togetherness, I think that will come and that your current goals and learning plans are gonna help you feel the way into some serious light.
Post a Comment